Terminal Leave Adventures

Les and I at Homewood w/ Lake Tahoe in the background

Clay Konas is the friend to have

Lesley at the ocean

So I am on terminal leave, I have spent my time - 

1. Exploring my faith and relationship with God

2. Spending time with Lesley who happens to by what some would call my girlfriend. We do not use this term though since we feel it is very 6th grade-ish.

3. Studying for Human Anatomy & Medical Terminology

4. Riding my bicycle

5. Getting licensed as an Emergency Medical Technician

6. Growing a beard

7. Thinking about thinking about getting a job

8. Coming in 2nd place at the TBF mountain bike race in Granite Bay CA.

Delivery of the Newborn scheduled for Tuesday @ 1300hrs

so I'm out of the air force on Tuesday the 13th at 1300hrs. I'm scared shitless. I once saw a mother pick up her newborn baby right after delivery and despite the elation that was on her face she looked petrified on what she was about to do - that is take responsibility for her actions, be the grown up, do her best and raise a child. I feel the same fear.

A new parent knows that they have made the right decision to have the baby but raising it, following through with the decision is the hard part. I am confident in my decision to leave the active duty air force for other things it is the following through with my goals that is scary. A new parent knows that despite however hard they try the kid is gonna be messed up in some way and a portion of those issues will be directly due to the parent's child rearing. There is no doubt that in my pursuit of happiness I will be screwing up royally along the way. The tough thing about raising kids and following dreams is that most of the time you don't know that you've taken a wrong turn until you are lost; you don't know that you've messed up until it is too late.

So be it though, I can not be talking like that. In my life after the air force I feel as if I will be the parent and the newborn. As a newborn I will be learning how to exist as a civilian in the world around me, in the beginning I will just try to survive. I will try to learn as much as I possibly can. As a parent I will be doing my best to help the newborn thrive in its new life as a civilian. Despite the mistakes that I will make I will love and cherish the newborn freedom and life I have chosen to have.

My hope is that this metaphor makes sense. My final note is that I'm scared shitless but am wholeheartedly content upon my decision. 

The Multifaceted Golden Rule

"...I may repeat 'Do as you would be done by' till I am black in the face, but I cannot really carry it out till I love my neighbor as myself: and I cannot learn to love my neighbor as myself till I learn to live in God: and I cannot learn to love God except by learning to obey Him. And so, as I warned you, we are driven on to something more inward-driven on from social matters to religious matters. For the longest way round is the shortest way home." - C.S. Lewis

As a child I sat during church service and I remember when the pastor explained for the first time to me the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." It was the first time in my recollection that I connected with a sermon. This saying, this scripture, Matthew 7:12, spoke to me. My mother raised me to use this frame of thinking in living my life and in my relationships.

I never thought of this rule as multifaceted until recently. I thought I was doing okay, trying to do the selfless acts, attempting to be the most genuine person I can. I tried to do what I felt was best for the situation. However, there are people in my life who I perceive as being much more honest, genuine and fulfilled than I am and I wondered how did they do it. All of these people had God as the most active thing in their lives. I distinctly remember the pastor saying in church that if I followed the Golden Rule than I would be "okay" in life. However, I agree with Lewis in that I cannot love my neighbor as myself until I learn to do as God wishes me to do. 

God gives you a clearer way on how to do right. By following the direction God has laid for me I will not only be truer to him but truer to myself: I will therefore have greater precision in choosing what is best for me and with God's help mirror this behavior to others so that they follow in His will.  

Belated Christmas Explanation

Christmas was good. A dear friend who I had not spoken with called me and invited me to her house for christmas eve. It was very nice, her family are of people who can easily take someone in and make them feel a valued part of the clan. Christmas day was a low key ordeal for the most part. I had a wonderful conversation with my mom. Although we talk almost everyday if not every other day, christmas day afforded us the time to catch up with one another. Later on in the day I went with Darwin to his sister in law's house where it was a mexican cuisine for christmas dinner which was different than the norm but awesome nonetheless! Home made tortilla chips are awesome.

Closing: Christmas Eve church service was especially well done. I was not with my family this christmas. There were a few times when I got the blues, seeing everybody with their families and not having my Mom around. However, it brought me to look to God and His son Jesus Christ for kinship. There were times during this christmas season when I was praying or just thinking about God that I felt the same way as I would have if my mother was right next to me. In short, fulfillment.

Squaw Valley - a Magical Place

Skiing was everything it was supposed to be... each run got better as the day progressed. Not much more to say.

Snow Day!

view from the kitchenette

my first christmas tree

the main house

this is my attempt at an artistic expression

Seeing snow like this gets me excited. Not just because its beautiful, or because it means I will be going skiing. Snow links me to my childhood. My mother can tell you how I grew up playing the snow. I remember playing in outside during blizzards, making forts out of the ginormous mountains of snow, friday nights at Lost Valley, snow days from school. Snow brings nostalgia and a familiarity. 

I am reminded of the song "Acadian Driftwood" by the Band where a lyric goes "Set my compass north / I have winter in my blood." When I experience this weather my spirit shows sides of itself that only come out when the world is covered in white.  

What people don't understand about snow is how it bring cohesion to the world around us. For a brief period of time everything is one, we see the earth as one majestic creation. Regardless of whether you believe in Creation or creation, when one sees the beauty that is winter they can ask for nothing more nor receive anything less than pure contentment. 

Finals Week

I am almost done. This semester that is. I have pushed myself hard, some would say to my limits. There was a period for about a month where my body, mind and spirit didn't have much left to give. Lisa dying, my car breaking down, work, school, disorganized and often non existent sleep schedule, and trying to figure out plans for my life come March 09 when I am out of the air force.

Wonderful people have come into my life in the past 4 months. Jesus, Lesley, Jesse, Grant. People who I look forward to having in my life to come. 

More later, but a closing statement is that I am on my way in a college education. For a kid who thought he was not college material (and at times still feels that way) that is pretty good. Once I get this degree and figure out how to get this girl to fall in love with me I will be set.