Red Sox

Sex drives us. Whether you're looking at some guy's bulging biceps or a woman's firm bust line it is what drives us to do what we do. Procreation is the fulfillment.

Does one's inability to attract reflect upon how he/she feels about sex? Say a man puts himself out to ask for a woman's phone number and is shot down(yes it happened to me tonight) for whatever reason, does it show that the man is immature in matters pertaining to sex and relationships? Some would say yes and others no. In my case it seems that two stimuli always exists phasing each other out. The nice guy and the attractor.

Through relationships, conversations and experiences I have been told and consider myself a mature and (some might say attractive) "ideal" man. In confidence I am told such things yet when I am put in the position to be viewed as more than a 'nice guy' or as 'dating material' I am disqualified and my character sieses to matter. Women, who care just as much as men to procreate seek the attractor with his biceps that defend and arrogance that they later can't stand to mate with. Does my inability to attract in typical situations with the oppisitte sex reflect on an inability (in the end) to procreate?

Most of the questions asked have already been answered in my mature and ideal mind. This is not how I really think...such a post is raised by frustration. I feel like the red sox, in their case where it took almost 100 years before they fulfilled their purpose as a team which was to win. Yes they tasted victory in the end but it was such a long and hard road where victory was only tasted momentarily. Perhaps love is the same way, or in my case at least, a long hard drive down the line with catalysts giving you an inch forward then setting you back a yard until fulfilment is reached but like the Red Sox, only for a second and then it will be gone.

Tonight I'm Makin' My Way to You

Throw my ticket to the wind
the rail ain't my way out
the sails will be raised
south toward the glades
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

I can hear the lonesome whistle blowin'
Last call has been made
I'm goin well past Miami
Ready for you to have me
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

I saw ocean from the platform
the sea was calling me to come
waves are back and forth
Gonna proove what I'm worth
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

Spearing through the water
My cat is riding through
Pushin' against the stream
Forging our dream
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

Steam power is roarin'
but the path has been tamed
I will ride the ocean wild
for the pleasure of your smile
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

Chemistry & the Importance of Distilling Excitement

Chemistry. A conversation arose roughly6 days ago with a person who held chemistry in a high esteem. She found the constant instability of human interaction to be the only determining variable in relationships. Some personalities instantly bond generating compounds greater than the two individual elements. Other personalities mix incoherently thus resulting in the nuclear explosion that is tension & dislike. So perhaps the great observers such as painters & poets; sociologists and philosophers, lovers and hermits are just in the end all chemists in their own right.

Without a doubt I one of the chemists mentioned above. A chemist can become excited over a new formula or better yet when an element is introduced to another unknown element. Recently I came into contact with another chemist that for the first time introduced elements to me that I had heard of, imagined, but never touched or felt myself. She was unimaginable yet so familiar. The type of girl who at times seemed to surpass me in the study of chemistry itself. Alone she calculated my steps in the formula of my life and gave me grand insight on how my chemical inbalances wiegh eachother out.

Needless to say I was excited at the chemistry experiment we mutually partook in. At times the conversation between the two of us was volatile while simaltaneously calm to the point of relaxation. My excitement was dominating from the second I saw that she was calling to the online messages I recieved days later. Values & behavior we hold so dearly are displayed and excitement plays the catalyst in us wanting to examine it more. When we can not examine when we dearly desire to, we become desperate & impulsive. Excitement can distort true intentions and cause many a people such as myself to do things out of character.

Chemistry like any science is an art of waiting. Patience. Whether another set of elements are introduced by the chemist from Kent or if the formula created by the two of us has reached its terminal I have learned that distilling one's excitement, perhaps only partially is how chemists are able to prolong thier bonds in the great study that is living life.

Long Time Coming

School starts tomorrow. College. I am going to college. For a long time I did not think that I would ever go but I am now. Community college. Sociology. Intermediate Algebra. College. wow.

I'm going to go totally 5 grader and have my bag packed the night before. Organize my binders w/ paper and dividers so they look organized.

It is has been a long time coming - my mind is read for it.

Jonny Lang says it best -

Yeah, its been a long time coming
Never thought itd take so long
I stood still but time kept running
Time has made me strong

Yeah, ive been waiting
Waiting for this day to come
Time dont wait so i keep singing

Yeah, its been a long time coming
Never thought it'd take so long
I stood still and time kept running
Time has made me strong
Made me strong, made me strong
Time has made me strong

James Thunder Early & the Dreamets

It's all about the Dreamgirls soundtrack. Some serious good tracks in here.

Poor Old Makebeliever

In 1968 Stax records released Johnnie Taylor's Who's Making Love? LP. It was a typical stax recording with Booker T & the MGs on rhythm, Issac Hayes on keyboards/piano and the memphis horns on wind. I've had the album since high school and listen to it whenever I want true rhythm & blues music for my heart to beat along too - however there is one song on there that has struck my pace into a new rhythm. The LP's Poor Old Makebeliever is identifiable in its message about ideals & dreams.

Really I am just a bullshitter. Coasting my way from one conquest to the next make believing that I will embark on some grand adventure. Whether the adventure me treking the sierra nevada or dating an overly interesting woman I am makebelieving that I know what is going on; after all, it is comforting to know that we can be in control in case of unforeseen circumstances. My earliest recognitions of child's play was acting in alternative roles from my life, searching for that escape. Maybe some of us never grow out of it. Maybe what Mr. Tayler is singing about, Booker T and his MGs are playing to is that the real struggle in life is the merge of our makebelieve with our reality.

It's All in the Reflexes

Grocery shopping had been put off for long enough so I finally broke down and went to the Yuba City walmart. My friends Andrade & Schwartz accompanied me on this mission for rations. After retrieving the necessary foods Andrade noted that he desired to watch a movie and drink beer so we ventured to the $5 DVDs. Often there are multiple copies of the same titles however on this occasion there was only one copy of John Carpenter's cinematic masterpiece Big Trouble in Little China. Schwartz said that he had never seen it - Andrade & I exchanged a glance and simaltaneously said "We need to get this movie!" We went back to the dorms and experienced the 1980s timelessness; the great one liners delivered by Kurt Russell's character Jack Burton and randomness of the plotline and props.

Jack Burton lines: "It's all in the reflexes"..."Can you stop rubbing your body against mine it makes it difficult to concentrate"..."You ladies sit tight, hold down the fort, keep the fires burning - if we're not back by dawn...call the president"..."That magic potion?...We drink?...Gives us powers?...Cool"

Christmas was nice back in Maine. I realized that I want to go to school back east. Medicine is my discipline of choice. My mother is an amazing person. Maine is great. Sugarloaf is the ideal northeast ski area. Audrey is still beautiful. Sophie's not far behind if lagging at all. Maine air breathed by familiar faces rejuvenates you.

Well I'm off, you know how it goes - bitches to see, mountains to ski.