Running Has Claimed Me - Straight Up

My system has been all screwed for the past few days. Trying to switch from living during the night to living during the day is straight up tough. This past weekend was a work weekend and I ended up only getting < 3 hours of sleep to go do this kamakaze aerobic workout for squadron PT. During the workout my head felt like a cotton ball and I saw white spots so I was unable to finish the workout which I am still pissed about. Although I usually shun excuses I think the reason why I fell out of the workout was because of lack of sleep, sleep pattern change, improper dehydration, prior fatigue since the two days before I had an amazing 8.5 mile run which lit me up. However, in time I will be back up to par.

Running has claimed me. It is official. Lifting weights is fun and it makes me look in shape but it is when I run that happiness sparks thus igniting a release from the world around me. When you run, at least when my feet hit the pavement, it is just you and the ground, you and your stride; nothing else. People may run with you perhaps causing you to run faster or longer. We all know competition prompts excellaration of some sort. With me though it is all about battling who I am, forging pride within myself. Since entering the USAF and furthering certain relationships(Audrey, Henderson, Aaron Toledo) my pride has gone up. One always has self doubts though. It keeps us in check.

Lastnight I was cruising around on MySpace, searching for a time killer when in my search there were some people from highschool that used to be my friends that no longer are. Looking back I am ashamed of myself that I was even intertwined with these people because they have no concept of self respect thus they have no respect for others and that in my opinion is where all conflicts occur. Anyways after seeing all their blogs I wanted to knock them down and show them how stupid they are. Put myself above them. It may sound wrong but it is what I want to do. These people wronged me very much and what do I want to do to show them all out - I want to race them in a run - straight up - it is weird - it is my mentallity - straight up.

$ $ $

It causes such complications does it not?

I Want You

Back in time
I was walking on a street
Old New York in its' esteem
-is prospering beneath my feet
the mass carries me like a stream
Rapids of concrete

To my left-
was the tower of the empire state
Not quite finished yet
Lacked sweat and slate
but the scaffolds were set
I knew the height would give escape

From the height
I knew what had not yet grew
the pot was starting to melt
the pressure brought it through
for the first time I felt-
I want you

Back in time
I was seated in a row
the Globe theater was in sorrow
Another of William's tragic shows
Would give lovers rules to follow
but no one yet knows

Out in front
I'm impressed with the stage
the Language is tragic
even with the war the actors wage
I can't help but feel the magic
- of the theater's masquerade

In the finale
the future became true
the applause begun
As the lovers said adieu
I realized where I'd come
I want you

Back in time
I was walking the Appian way
Well into the glory of Rome
They were celebrating a holiday
that would never be set in stone
but the games were still played

All 'round me
I was a witness to the empire
that defined the time
When one could control the fire
With politics and wine
If one so desired

In my heart
I felt the roman view
An ancient land in law
on the roads that lead me to-
where I saw - that -
I want you

This is for Audrey...aren't you all jealous?

Temporary Duty Yonder

I am so going on TDY to Langley AFB VA. It is going to be awesome, especially since Amn Bradley Price is stationed there, who is one of the coolest cats to ever grace Keesler AFB with his precense. More info later - !!!!!!

Attachments & Constrictions

Life is made up of attachments. Attachments to breathing, attachments to people, art, sex, food, movement et cetera. Constrictions make up the other half of life. Constrictions whether they be work, law of the land, physical duress, emotions, the little voice inside aka conscience. Throughout our lives there is a constant form of checks and balances existing between these two drives.

I myself have begun, for one of the first times in my life to discover how attachments and constrictions conflict with one another. For example I am in California - the rest of my friends and family are living in Maine - attachments and constrictions. I desperately want a piece of cake in the dining facility - the attachment - however I am reminded of how I want to lose weight and get into a serious shape - the constriction. Sometimes I get attached to women who are nice to me even - just because - my intellect tells me because girls were so mean to me growing up that it is in my emotional engineering to become attached to any girl that might give me a chance. Not saying that my feelings for the person in my life right now is simply because she gave me chance, hell no...my question being to all: when can we agree with the constrictions we set for ourselves concerning the attachments in our lives? Can there still be contentment or is there always rivalry?

Forgive the Vagueness