Christmas was Away from Home

It was sunny and about 72 on christmas eve. It had rained like nothing I had ever seen before for the four days leading up to christmas so it was nice to have some sun. OK!!! so I was fully content with going to church on christmas eve. Bri and Patrick are both catholic so they wanted to go to midnight mass which I was all for. So we find a St. Joseph's and we go to the midnight mass. We sit down and nothing to my surprise the congregation was lookin' pretty hispanic. I think to myself 'we are in catholic church in california, so of course there will be alot of mexican people.' However it was much to our own surpise that the midnight mass was entirely in spanish. We forgot to ask if the service was in latin, english or spanish. We totally went through an entire service just listening to this priest speak in Spanish, it was kind of nice to listen to him talk though. I blame myself partially because there are church in Lewiston and Auburn that still do thier services in French so me being in California there was going to be a good chance that the services here might be in Spanish. After our hispanic jesus worship we went to Denny's where Bri, the texan that she is introduced me to country fried steak. It was seriously good shit. I was like "wow" and for those of you who know me well enough, you can so imagine me saying that. Christmas day was really rainy and windy. Somewhat depressing. My first christmas away from home but I managed. I was awoken by a bunch of people calling me to wish me a merry christmas thus I called a bunch more people to wish them a merry christmas as well. I spent the afternoon and evening with my friend David Hinojos and his wife, two children and another couple Grant and Jennifer. We had a wonderful time, had an awesome roast beef dinner with all the trimmings and such. After dinner we played this Karoake game on playstation which needless to say I was not the best at. But I dont think the game new how to judge because I new about every word to every song on the hits list and I was belting my heart out. Oh well I am not letting it get me down. Then I was able to talk to Audrey and Sophie and luckily they got cell phones so I will be able to talk to them for free now. Because I was talking to Audrey for long periods of time and I can imagine that it will be racking up my phone bill. I am in California and she is in Maine, she is one of the most important people in my life right now and easily my favorite. I gotta be able to talk to my girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah I am such a nerdy bastard. Christmas away from home ended up being not too bad though. There was some parts where I wish I was home and other times when it was reaffirmed to me that I dont want to be anywheres else.

Gold Country

Sorry for not putting another post up for a while. Other things have been going on. Like going to buy a car!!!!

So Patrick, Bri and I went to Roseville on Saturday to look at cars for me, used cars obviously since that is really all I can afford. I test drove a Saturn and it wasnt that great, it wasnt particularly fun to drive @ all. The car saleman was not very good @ her job either, she was not personable enough for herself let alone other people. She asked me my name about 3 times. They were asking way to too much for their vehicles and wanted to put me in $20,000 cars when I kept reemphasizing to them that my price bracket was not to exceed $11,000.

The second car saleman I saw was awesome. Mike was the man, he was the internet/fleet manager so he worried more about moving actual cars than getting them @ the best price for him. He came right out and told me "Lets not worry about you buying a car today from me or anyone else, lets figure out what you can afford and what you want." He told me since I was a first time buyer if I had questions concerning any other cars I saw @ his site or any other to call him. He seemed sincere but you can never tell with car salesmen.

We then proceeded to see the Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe. After looking @ car prices all day I was not surprised to see that a friggin movie ticket in California costs $9.50. That is fucked up. After seeing the price come up on the register Patrick was like "Fuck that" but it was too late, it had already been rung up. The movie's projected audience was roughly 10 years old so the three of us thought it was kind of crap. Patrick said he liked it just it was a little too young. I wanted to go see King Kong but I lost in 'Ranger, Poacher, Bear'.

To round off the night, we went to this cool burger place called Red Robin. It was good but its like $9 for a burger. A good burger but not a $9 burger. Final thought - California is fucking expensive. I totally see why they call the region where I live 'Gold Country'.

We Could be Heroes

I was looking through one of my notebooks and found this poem I wrote back in my senior year. I haven't written in a while but just started up again. Someone special reminded me what it felt like to write. Mind you I wrote this before joining the military I just wanted to write a ballad like Bob Dylan and I was reminded of David Bowie's song "We Can be Heroes" but always thought that the song was awesome but the name did not fit with the rest of the lyric. Just wanted to tell a story thats all. Tell me what you think -

We Could be Heroes...
that’s why I put my body near the ground for cover
Holding my field arm and grenades
Dylan, Bowie and I are on sides of each other
Each knowing we are afraid
and so I look to my brother
His sweat telling me we’re in a cage
I want to go back…to my mother
but the land mines have been laid

The option being forward
There was only one way
We could be heroes
Just for one day

Dirt comes in my eye
Bullets hit ground, pushing dirt out at me
I say “We’re G.I.s
We’re infrantry”
Bowie says “No hero ideas guy
I joined for help towards a degree”
Dylan says “We’re gonna die
-tryin’ to make this damn dirt free”
“We signed our names
‘tis set in stone
We knew we might go to our graves
not our homes”
Bowie: “This is no war game
-kid- those bullets got tone
We’re not gonna die on your thirst for fame
So you’re on your own”

“I want no fame
That’s why I say
We could be heroes
Just for one day”

Dylan says how he’s from a small town
How there’s only one traffic light
Atleast that’s what I hear between machine gun rounds
And how he wishes he’d be walkin’ mainstreet tonight
We will lay here forever shielded by the ground
That is my largest fright

Back home everyone was surprised I put my name down
I’m last to want to fight

Bowie took position to aim
Dylan looked at me in self-disgrace
He started running until the bullet came
-puncturing him above the waist
Falling to the ground, half slain
Returning to me in a vital pace
Asking “Why must I die on this grain?”
Eye to eye, he pukes his blood on my face

As I look there
Where Dylan lay
We could be heroes
Just for one day

I say to Bowie “I know I’m early in years
But we got nothing else left
Let us forget our fears
And show those bastards our crest”
Clutching his shirt “We’re here
-there’s no way out of this mess
You’re my superior but get your gear
We’re overtaking our enemies nest!”

Bowie says “My options are weighed
As it is yours, this is my deathbed
Since my decision is made
I’ll take us both away from this dread”
With this he takes one of my two grenades
Pulls the pin, puts it in the mouth of his head
I’m rolling away afraid
As Bowie turns foreign soil American red

Hearing no sound, I was okay
With more blood on my skin
A grenade takes a man’s head away
The helmet worn keeps the explosion within
This outcome may be what may
‘Forgive me for I am about to sin’
but we can be heroes just for one day
of this last grenade I be pullin’ my pin
I be a stormin’ in

the computer erased my awesome post

yeah so I had this awesome post, but the computer is really stupid and just erased it all.

I am not happy...

I want to talk to Audrey.

California is awesome....

Sacramento on Friday night

Skiing @ Lake Tahoe on Saturday

San Francisco on Saturday & Sunday

Got to talk to Sophie on sunday night that was so the highlight of my weekend

My Venture

Responsibility, reality and the bitch of life all followed my shadow this past sunday the 4th. I woke up hoping to get a good start on the day with a run and then to pack up the last of my things. Unfortunately & fortunately it began to snow as I was walking out the door so I decided against the morning run. The day consisted of visiting my grandmother with my mother where I had a wonderful time talking about what lay ahead for me in california. My grandmother is one of my favorite people, she knows how to be a friend and even more so a parent.

Later my mother, my brother Zack and I had a late lunch @ Gippers, the place where I have been going to eat since I was about 9 years old. It was a short but sentimental dinner. While eating my Reuben sandwich I realized how it was going to be the last time I would eat there in a long time to come.

After that I hung out with Audrey & Sophie where we just looked at pictures on my comp of the Hurricane & Tech school. They are the people in my life right now who really ground me, reminding me of how compassionate & 'good' some people naturally are. Also they are just really funny. Then I saw my friend Shelly and she brought me over to my Dad's house where I saw him for just a little bit. Enough to bank the memory of just being with him since I will not be seeing hom for a while.

We got to the airport without problems. My mother was wearing her beautiful red coat and hat that she usually wears during the christmas season. It accents her hair and makes her lips look full. My mother really is a beautiful woman. As I was getting in the security line to enter the terminal I noticed that she had started crying. Her baby was leaving. He was going to safety, to peril, to make love, to lose love, to reside under men perhaps better than himself or perhaps not better, to live, to learn, to serve, to call her on christmas day to see how her holiday is evolving, to look at pictures in his wallet of the people close to him in his world, to use the manners she instilled, to wear the face that measures close to her own, to use the compassion she taught him. He is her son. I am her son. When I hugged her and saw in her teary eyes how the mixture of sadness & glee conjured potent bliss for although she could not join her son who she had nursed; she knew that it was his time for his venture. My venture.

Content with the Return/Anxious for the Escape

Having dinner at my father's house this evening has been very nice. Like all other family and friends that are like family one forgets how awesome it is just to sit and visit with a familiar face.

My flight leaves Monday 05Dec @ 0530 from Portland. My mother is bringing me. Hopefully I dont get teary like I did when I left her in Texas. She and I have talked about alot of things since I have been home - she understands that her baby is "all grown up" now. I percieve my father as being very happy for me. At first I think he was unsure about my choice in the military but now he is proud to have his son in the position that I am in.

Coming home, there is just nothing like Auburn Maine. People ask me, inquiring about what it is like to live in Maine, let alone Auburn. I simply say "there is really nothing like it." After living in the south in a working class community similiar to that of Auburn I understand how it is special. Things are growing and I imagine that by the next time I return to these streets it will be this semi-metropolitan area. I look forward to such a return but am anxious for the initial escape.

My father is cooking dinner so I must go. More blogs will be posted that arent as generalized as the past few have been. Everyone just think...Monday afternoon I am into the west.