the Historian & the Oracle

Music is spiritual to me. To me it is the form of human expression. I find religion to be a form of human expression but not a means in which to seek certain truths. Both preach to do onto others as you would have others done onto you, to love each other and so on. Where the two differ in my eyes is that music regardless of language, tempo, or progression does not attempt to set certain truths about life in our universe. Music simaltaneously plays the role of historian and oracle for the human race. It records our feelings in moments of duress and elation and can sometimes encompass them together in a single expression. Like its creators it is perpetual in its evolution, never stopping. For me religion sets its truths about the universe due to its on insecurities and thirst for power. Music for most of us, either consciously or subconsciously is a statement saying that even though we don't have the answers to certain questions it is the uncertainty of our existance that makes it worth living.

Thanks Van.

Sierra, Sierra

I hate math - it makes me feel inferior, maybe because at times I am.

My only solice is the sierra wilderness.

Out of contact with certain women in my life

Some women have appeared to have fallen off the face of the earth.
a.k.a Karen Lewis
Others have not dissappeared, they are simply not talking to me.
a.ka. Kelly Miller
Ray Lamontagne says it best -

Trouble...
Trouble been doggin' my soul since the day I was born
Worry...
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone
We'll I've been...
saved by a woman

Trouble...
Feels like every time I get back on my feet
she come around and knock me down again

Women, call me up if you wish,

You know who you are, 

207-577-8510

Lent

Some people give up eating meat, others perhaps watching tv, some maybe even sex if they are really disciplined. However can someone give up someone else for lent? Because I think the former catholic school girl currently in my life has given me up for lent.

I Need You Now...but I am not totallly overdramatic

Early in the round
Blows I just did not expect
By the end of the day
I had nothing left to protect
Boxers entered my ring
Working the cut on my brow
This time prompts me to realize
I need you now

High noon had come
I had no where to run
Towns folk abandoned me
with no rounds left in my gun
Other days I was a quick draw
This day left such actions to not allow
This time prompts me to realize
I need you now

Like any sailor before me
I tried to navigate the strait
but the waters didn't adore me
I was left in the storm to wait
out the violence the wind can bring
in your world of stern to bow
This time prompts me to realize
I need you now

In the walks of life
today, that came forth
It feels as if,
I don't have any worth
We search for the illusion,
closure, somehow
This time prompts me to realize
I need you now

New Listening

Picked these up from BMG music online. They are essentials to the library.

Atypical MySpace Whore

He was somewhat fluent
Quite congruent in methods of pursuance
Yet you've never known his touch
The thought is that he's someone else
The stimulus to touch yourself
And you treat him as such

He retells the tragedies
symphonies to remedies
You have a faint recollection of voice
He'll smile at you on the street
Shun him away in discrete
All the while keeping your poise

You'll think he's a ghost
While at the most he writes a post
Like any other myspace whore
He'll review his message queue
Imagining the rendevue
where he'll verify-
you're real for sure

Red Sox

Sex drives us. Whether you're looking at some guy's bulging biceps or a woman's firm bust line it is what drives us to do what we do. Procreation is the fulfillment.

Does one's inability to attract reflect upon how he/she feels about sex? Say a man puts himself out to ask for a woman's phone number and is shot down(yes it happened to me tonight) for whatever reason, does it show that the man is immature in matters pertaining to sex and relationships? Some would say yes and others no. In my case it seems that two stimuli always exists phasing each other out. The nice guy and the attractor.

Through relationships, conversations and experiences I have been told and consider myself a mature and (some might say attractive) "ideal" man. In confidence I am told such things yet when I am put in the position to be viewed as more than a 'nice guy' or as 'dating material' I am disqualified and my character sieses to matter. Women, who care just as much as men to procreate seek the attractor with his biceps that defend and arrogance that they later can't stand to mate with. Does my inability to attract in typical situations with the oppisitte sex reflect on an inability (in the end) to procreate?

Most of the questions asked have already been answered in my mature and ideal mind. This is not how I really think...such a post is raised by frustration. I feel like the red sox, in their case where it took almost 100 years before they fulfilled their purpose as a team which was to win. Yes they tasted victory in the end but it was such a long and hard road where victory was only tasted momentarily. Perhaps love is the same way, or in my case at least, a long hard drive down the line with catalysts giving you an inch forward then setting you back a yard until fulfilment is reached but like the Red Sox, only for a second and then it will be gone.

Tonight I'm Makin' My Way to You

Throw my ticket to the wind
the rail ain't my way out
the sails will be raised
south toward the glades
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

I can hear the lonesome whistle blowin'
Last call has been made
I'm goin well past Miami
Ready for you to have me
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

I saw ocean from the platform
the sea was calling me to come
waves are back and forth
Gonna proove what I'm worth
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

Spearing through the water
My cat is riding through
Pushin' against the stream
Forging our dream
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

Steam power is roarin'
but the path has been tamed
I will ride the ocean wild
for the pleasure of your smile
Tonight, I'm makin' my way to you

Chemistry & the Importance of Distilling Excitement

Chemistry. A conversation arose roughly6 days ago with a person who held chemistry in a high esteem. She found the constant instability of human interaction to be the only determining variable in relationships. Some personalities instantly bond generating compounds greater than the two individual elements. Other personalities mix incoherently thus resulting in the nuclear explosion that is tension & dislike. So perhaps the great observers such as painters & poets; sociologists and philosophers, lovers and hermits are just in the end all chemists in their own right.

Without a doubt I one of the chemists mentioned above. A chemist can become excited over a new formula or better yet when an element is introduced to another unknown element. Recently I came into contact with another chemist that for the first time introduced elements to me that I had heard of, imagined, but never touched or felt myself. She was unimaginable yet so familiar. The type of girl who at times seemed to surpass me in the study of chemistry itself. Alone she calculated my steps in the formula of my life and gave me grand insight on how my chemical inbalances wiegh eachother out.

Needless to say I was excited at the chemistry experiment we mutually partook in. At times the conversation between the two of us was volatile while simaltaneously calm to the point of relaxation. My excitement was dominating from the second I saw that she was calling to the online messages I recieved days later. Values & behavior we hold so dearly are displayed and excitement plays the catalyst in us wanting to examine it more. When we can not examine when we dearly desire to, we become desperate & impulsive. Excitement can distort true intentions and cause many a people such as myself to do things out of character.

Chemistry like any science is an art of waiting. Patience. Whether another set of elements are introduced by the chemist from Kent or if the formula created by the two of us has reached its terminal I have learned that distilling one's excitement, perhaps only partially is how chemists are able to prolong thier bonds in the great study that is living life.

Long Time Coming

School starts tomorrow. College. I am going to college. For a long time I did not think that I would ever go but I am now. Community college. Sociology. Intermediate Algebra. College. wow.

I'm going to go totally 5 grader and have my bag packed the night before. Organize my binders w/ paper and dividers so they look organized.

It is has been a long time coming - my mind is read for it.

Jonny Lang says it best -

Yeah, its been a long time coming
Never thought itd take so long
I stood still but time kept running
Time has made me strong

Yeah, ive been waiting
Waiting for this day to come
Time dont wait so i keep singing

Yeah, its been a long time coming
Never thought it'd take so long
I stood still and time kept running
Time has made me strong
Made me strong, made me strong
Time has made me strong

James Thunder Early & the Dreamets

It's all about the Dreamgirls soundtrack. Some serious good tracks in here.

Poor Old Makebeliever

In 1968 Stax records released Johnnie Taylor's Who's Making Love? LP. It was a typical stax recording with Booker T & the MGs on rhythm, Issac Hayes on keyboards/piano and the memphis horns on wind. I've had the album since high school and listen to it whenever I want true rhythm & blues music for my heart to beat along too - however there is one song on there that has struck my pace into a new rhythm. The LP's Poor Old Makebeliever is identifiable in its message about ideals & dreams.

Really I am just a bullshitter. Coasting my way from one conquest to the next make believing that I will embark on some grand adventure. Whether the adventure me treking the sierra nevada or dating an overly interesting woman I am makebelieving that I know what is going on; after all, it is comforting to know that we can be in control in case of unforeseen circumstances. My earliest recognitions of child's play was acting in alternative roles from my life, searching for that escape. Maybe some of us never grow out of it. Maybe what Mr. Tayler is singing about, Booker T and his MGs are playing to is that the real struggle in life is the merge of our makebelieve with our reality.

It's All in the Reflexes

Grocery shopping had been put off for long enough so I finally broke down and went to the Yuba City walmart. My friends Andrade & Schwartz accompanied me on this mission for rations. After retrieving the necessary foods Andrade noted that he desired to watch a movie and drink beer so we ventured to the $5 DVDs. Often there are multiple copies of the same titles however on this occasion there was only one copy of John Carpenter's cinematic masterpiece Big Trouble in Little China. Schwartz said that he had never seen it - Andrade & I exchanged a glance and simaltaneously said "We need to get this movie!" We went back to the dorms and experienced the 1980s timelessness; the great one liners delivered by Kurt Russell's character Jack Burton and randomness of the plotline and props.

Jack Burton lines: "It's all in the reflexes"..."Can you stop rubbing your body against mine it makes it difficult to concentrate"..."You ladies sit tight, hold down the fort, keep the fires burning - if we're not back by dawn...call the president"..."That magic potion?...We drink?...Gives us powers?...Cool"

Christmas was nice back in Maine. I realized that I want to go to school back east. Medicine is my discipline of choice. My mother is an amazing person. Maine is great. Sugarloaf is the ideal northeast ski area. Audrey is still beautiful. Sophie's not far behind if lagging at all. Maine air breathed by familiar faces rejuvenates you.

Well I'm off, you know how it goes - bitches to see, mountains to ski.

Like a Fuckin' Boomerang

I'm comin' back to Maine guys and gals
Clear your schedules and ditch your pals
Further on the 20th of December
I'll be introducing the Maxx you don't remember
So fresh & so clean, so firm & so tone
I'll make your mothers curse and sisters moan
I went off into the yonder
Becoming the 10th wonder
So if you see me, show some taste
Disrespect me, I'll fuck start your face
F-COMM bombs slowin' for attack
I'm no Slim Shady but guess who's back
Like the California women have sang
I'm comin' back like a fuckin' boomerang

Toss my salad!!!!!

Back to New Basics

Sparks have ignited on dormant wicks. Things have been moving inside of me. Perhaps a wave of enlightenment? Maybe a scent of reflection? A more emphasized scense of consciousness. Yes that, a more emphasized scense of consciousness.

As many of you know I have a strong love for blues music in all of its forms. Suddenly it has been all that consumes my CD stereo tray. It has thus resulted in me pulling out the resonator, aka my steel guitar that came to me in New Orleans. Having not really played the guitar in over a year and a half it is as if I am heading back to new basics.

When I played guitar before I would walk into a music store and try to outplay the man next to me. If there was a local concert I thought of how I was better than the player on stage.(Let it be known there was a time when I could wipe the floor with a good portion of people however I tried doing this in New Orleans. There were a number of seasoned players in the music shop that through their playing told everyone else who the badasses were in the house.) Now as my box rests on my lap and on my chest, I strum the grooves and finger the licks with my ego diminished. Figuratively speaking my self confidence has risen since my senior year of highschool(last time I played guitar) so there is no need for me to search for an upperhand in my playing. My instrumentation is soley for the escape enjoyment factor.

I will be home in 13 days and my excitement is peaked. Christmas will be a good day this year. A schedule of events is slated in my head as far as things to do i.e. go shopping w/ Shelly Gamache, make death by chocolate for the Schwinn twins, go skiing w/ Dave Chesley + Shelly, visit with the grand mothers, eat one of my mother's very good casarols that she makes on cold winter days, run on my old route and of course go for a ride around the lake.

More to come as the spirit move me and the new basics arise.

P.S. Album to Listen to: Boogie Woogie Christmas - Brian Setzer Orchestra

Ice & Guns

Political Parties Need to Develop this Kid's Attitude

I have a few minutes before Senior Master Sergeant Bledsoe becomes Cheif Master Sergeant Bledsoe so I figured there was time to put a post in. My boys from white team and I are going to post the colors for his promotion ceremony which should be good. He is a really good big boss since he is technically 3 or 4 tiers above my chain of command.

Sunday night consisted of me talking to numerous people for about 3.5 hours. Although at the end of the night I was exhausted and my ears hurt from having the phone pressed against them I was able to catch up with alot of people In Exemplum Karen Lewis, Dave Chesley, Patrick Clendenning, Audrey Schwinn, Cheryl Tullgren, and Jason Kaderlik.

Haunted houses aren't that scary if you don't stop yourself from laughing.

SATs are getting better well, not easier but I am developing a groove to work in and I hope the work will pay off. So far everything else in my life that I have put forth an honest effort in has come to me in one way or another; hopes are positive.

My goal has slightly changed though. The USAF Academy no longer offers a nursing major, last year's class was the last class that they offered a bachelor's of science in nursing. Thus my focus is now to enter one of the many nursing/commissioning programs that are offered. Requirements almost mirror that of the Academy so it is still difficult. However Air Combat Command(my major command my wing is under) offers 16 slots for Airmen to go to school on. The way I look at it is someone has to fill those slots and no reason why that someone can not be me.

Are any of you familiar with Sen. John Kerry's statement he made concerning education and the troops in Iraq? Exact words being "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.” This was a messed up comment no matter what way you look at it. I still think he is an idiot and Barak Obama needs to knock this bitch out. However I did enjoy Kerry's speech when he came out kickin' ass' with "it is the administration that should give an apology..."

For a political closer to my already across the spectrum blog it seems as though all of the cracks each party makes to each other about each other is just that; only to each other. It seems as if the American public doesn't care about which politician served in a war and who said this and that; only the parties do. Citizens just want someone who they can entrust their voices in and to sort out the mess and in my opinion the name calling that they do to each other is childish to the point of disgust and a word I have been hearing from both parties when describing eachother 'despicable'.

Q: Why is it that NASDAQ showed record earnings last week but if you check out CNBC or any other media they say the economy is ready for chaos and about to recess? How can we have record highs and then potential lows? Can someone explain it to me because it feels like a mixed message.

SATs

In the greatness that is Ezra Horne -

I am procrastinating from studying my SATs.

In honor of your Ezra.

Ignorance

It has been defined that I know absolutely nothing about women. Humiliation has prompted this epiphany. I really don't like myself right now.