Monday, December 01, 2008

Find Your Place

Whoever has read this blog in the past (or knows how I am with my academics) knows how frustrated I get with school. I don't like school, looking back I never really have. 

So I bombed a chemistry quiz today. I felt really positive going into it as I do almost everything lately and feel negative coming out of it. What frustrates me is that I don't know how to give anymore of my intellect, focus or discipline to my studies than what I am giving right now. Meanwhile, my grades are not equating to what my knowledge of the subject is. Maybe I am a poor test taker, maybe just a poor test taker in certain subjects, maybe just poor in certain subjects. Regardless, I thought that there was this universal truth that what you give is what you get but whenever I ask myself "Are you doing the best you can?/ are you giving all that you have?" my answer to myself is "Yes." Why aren't my efforts showing.

People tell me "Oh well as long as you did your best that's all that matters." Part of me wants to agree but the more realistic part of me disagrees. Colleges don't give a shit about how hard you tried because all they can see is the grade. Not doing well in chemistry is not the end of the world but it is the means to the end of a dream. 

Furthermore, I was reflecting on what I can do to get better test scores. Change up my strategy. Walking to my car I sorted it out in that maybe the lesson I am to learn from this is that you don't get what you give but that it is about finding your place in life. Everyone is smart, smart is just finding out how you learn, where your place is in the various learning styles, harnessing that style and learning. The same parallel goes with finding ones place in taking a test, you can not be overconfident because that spells doom while ill confidence will psych you out. You have to find your place, your median where you can show that you are knowledgeable and capable. 

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