The Balloon will Pop in 7 Days

I'm just down. Not that the glass is half empty but things have been gloomy lately. I don't consider myself a complainer but I have been to 3 funerals in 5 days( a few for anyone) for honor guard, broken my normal routine of work, it has rained literally everyday all day for the past week+, I'm really anxious to go see Audrey and home, there is little $ to spare(frankly my head is barely at surface level but I need to go home to figure things out), Verizon Wireless keeps giving me the run around, I have a CDC exam on Sunday, I feel fat & look fat, can barely run anymore, I can't talk to Audrey even though she is really the only person that can make things better for me. Events are ballooning.

My first week in Honor Gaurd is gone and done with. The people on my team are warm, generous and impressive in how they carry themselves. One of the things that prompted the past few days to make me feel like crap was one day we didn't have any ceremonies so everyone was going to eat Chinese & see a movie. I really didn't want to go spend money since I am in miser mode for the vacation in 7 days. Anyways they asked me why I wasn't going and I played off that I had errands to run and CDCs to study for but finally one member took me aside and asked me why I didn't want to go and being a frank Maxx I explained that I am saving for vacation and didn't want to spend money. He said that he would pay for me no problem which I had a major objection to since I barely know him and it would be strange for even a close friend to pick up the tab for me. Most of you know this about me. Well I went and had uneasy feelings about it from the get go, and I was going to pay my way but they already had covered me for lunch and then I was for sure going to buy my own movie ticket but another member beat me to it. Not that I don't accept other people's generosity, it just bothered because I have a job to support myself thus to pay for expenses like movies and lunch. My self worth just plummeted and there is still not much left, of course I am sure it will go up in time but right now it is dwindling here. Since then events have just ballooned into things that they should not be.

My best hopes will be that the balloon will continue to inflate and pop in an explosion of joy the minute I step off the bus in Lewiston ME and Audrey Schwinn is in my arms.